Note: This blog was originally written last year. I could never have imagined what would transpire in the months to come. With Israel at the forefront, and two of my sons being away for the holiday, I've coming to realize the importance of focusing on what matters most. I'm trying to keep things a little more simple this year (which hopefully means I've grown!), but the sentiments below still ring true, if not even more so today.
I don't know about you, but every holiday, I go through the usual motions of procrastinating, complaining, shopping, and menu planning (or at least in my head), moaning, cooking (from aforementioned meal prep in the sky), all the while smiling through my teeth so my husband and kids would think I was enjoying the holidays. But deep down, my inner voice would be screaming because I knew that they wouldn't eat half of the food I had spent hours preparing. Meanwhile, I would be covered in flour and sweat, wiping my brow with one forearm while the other was cleaning an apron covered in remnants of said culinary groundhogs day.
And yet, despite this vicious cycle, I still love sitting down at my beautiful table scape, feeling proud of myself and my family; inwardly congratulating myself on another job well done, even though I'm sure they could care less about the holiday-specific HomeGoods haul perfectly positioned on the table.
But I digress… my point was…is, with each holiday (when I finally do get a few moments off the Shalosh Regalim Go-Round) I find myself wondering about other women and how they prep (mentally, physically, spiritually, etc) for the monthly, if not weekly, Jewish Iron Chef IRL.
Over the course of the last few holidays, I’ve been seeking to find the deeper connection between Women and their representation or role within each Jewish holiday (other than cooking and tablescaping).
So, while I was searching for some dot-connecting (and inspirational) content for Shavuot, I came across this fantastic piece by Rebbetzin Chana Bracha Siegelbaum, Founder and Director of Midreshet B'erot Bat Ayin.
I’ve humbly truncated it with my own thoughts and hopefully have done justice to the entirety of the author’s piece. (Linked here)
As we approach the holiday of Shavuot, we reflect on the giving of the Torah at Mount Sinai and the deep spiritual connections that underlie all of our actions and relationships in the physical world.
According to the teachings of the Arizal, every event in our world is a reflection of underlying spiritual relationships, and blessings come into the physical world as a result of unifications in the spiritual world.
“The inner relevance of the story of Ruth mainly stems from the quality of the core relationship it portrays.”
As women, we are masters of relationships, and our ability to connect with others on a deep level is often our highest aspiration. In order to fully receive the Torah, we must perfect our relationships and be in complete unity with one another, as the Jewish people were at Matan Torah "like one being with one heart."
The story of Megillat Ruth teaches us the perfected relationship between women; a mother-in-law, Naomi, and a daughter-in-law, Ruth, and their incredibly otherworldly bond. (Seriously! We’ll save the monster-in-law stories for another day!)
This relationship is a reflection of the relationship with Hashem and the spiritual energy created by their true loving bond - generating spiritual unifications which forms the perfect vessel for receiving the Torah.
“In order to learn from Ruth and develop perfect relationships we need to develop awareness of who we are – our unique existential essence, while developing tolerance for others who are different than ourselves, yet complementary. The more we extend ourselves in order to connect with someone who is most different from ourselves, the more Torah can be revealed and the greater a tikun (rectification) is formed.”
Megilat Ruth also alludes to another powerful female duo - Rachel and Leah.
Ruth 4:11
וַיֹּ֨אמְר֜וּ כָּל־הָעָ֧ם אֲשֶׁר־בַּשַּׁ֛עַר וְהַזְּקֵנִ֖ים עֵדִ֑ים יִתֵּן֩ יְהוָ֨ה אֶֽת־הָאִשָּׁ֜ה הַבָּאָ֣ה אֶל־בֵּיתֶ֗ךָ כְּרָחֵ֤ל ׀ וּכְלֵאָה֙ (אֲשֶׁ֨ר בָּנ֤וּ שְׁתֵּיהֶם֙ אֶת־בֵּ֣ית יִשְׂרָאֵ֔ל וַעֲשֵׂה־חַ֣יִל בְּאֶפְרָ֔תָה וּקְרָא־שֵׁ֖ם בְּבֵ֥ית לָֽחֶם)
All the people that were in the gate, and the elders, said: We are witnesses. May the Lord make the woman who is coming into your home like Rachel and Leah, who together built up the family of Israel.
Maybe it’s the fact that Im writing this while also mentally packing for a Girls Trip this week or that a very close friend is going back to Israel simultaneously, that got me thinking a lot about the women who shape and impact my life and those, if any, that I do. And the almost epiphanic realization that as women, we crave authenticity in ourselves, our lives, in our connections…because we know what power that yields when harnessed.
“Although they were diametrically opposed, with such different personalities, they engendered the greatest unification – the foundation for ultimate Ahavas Yisrael – Jewish unity.”
Be it the relationships we form at home, at work, in our communities, in our daily exchanges of every day lives, we as [Jewish] women innately have the strength, power, mental fortitude and emotional intelligence to get in touch with the qualities of Rachel and Leah and identify our own personal strengths connected to either archetype.
Rachel and Leah, overcame the greatest obstacles of jealousy, bridged the source of divisiveness in the world and affected each other to the greatest extent, becoming eternalized as spiritual energies that we can tap into.
“Each of us have a spark of Divinity within us, our unification is therefore a testimony to the Oneness of Hashem Who includes us all.”
By accepting, acknowledging, and admiring opposite qualities in each other, through engaging in this character development, we can bridge the gap that separates us. By improving our relationships with others on a profound level, such as sisterhood, marriage, and motherhood, we can bring together diverse factions of our society.
I started writing this before the holiday, knowing I wouldn’t finish it until shortly after and honestly, because I wanted to see how Shavuot would now “feel” with this new-found wisdom.
It’s a bittersweet feeling … the elation of not having to endure the wash/rinse/repeat cycle of another 3-Day marathon for at least a few more months, while on the other hand already having nostalgia as I put the last of the springtime decor away on the shelf. A balance.
As the holiday season comes to an end (for now) we should be blessed like Rachel and Leah, who embodied all the unifications necessary in order to truly receive the Torah, to overcome jealousy, indifference, anger, and power-struggle and like Naomi & Ruth, may we find balance within all of our collective energies to express true love in relationship on all levels.
(Shavuot 2023)